monday, monday

good morning all.

another monday morning here at the old dac. i'm pretty tired today, and it's monday, so that's not really helping much. mondays are hard because you know that you have so much more to go before the weekend-- but this weekend is HALLOWEEN time, and that's a time for all kiddies to have fun and get GHOULISH. i think it's time to discuss my dressing up options for halloween.

we've got ROUGE- from xmen. an obvious choice because i have the white streak in my hair and all. then we've got the JAPANESE SCHOOL GIRL- another good one because i got these socks in japan that are extremely long, white socks that scrunch down below the knee that school girls there wear- pretty cute with a plaid skirt and mary janes. i have also thought about just doing it up GYPSY style because i'm going to be reading some tarot at our party and that seems pretty fitting...

any other ideas,?? don't hold back peopele-- this is your chance to mold me. make me what you want.

i want to take this time to congratulate my schann rae bebe on her engagement-- i can't wait until the wedding. it's going to be amazing and absolutely beautiful. and SO SCHANN! the ampitheatre- the cabins- the outdoors! you are so beautiful and you will make such an amazing bride.

i also want to send my love to the newest newly weds- heather and brad and lester and aumaine. my wonderful friends that i love so dearly. i want to wish you the best.

ok. now with all these wedding congrats out of the way- i'm getting off here to work on my play. finally. peace.

i dreamt of nara

i want to dream of nara tonight
of the deer that licked my fingers
touching their soft antlers
i was happy there

so many people to love
so many people to love me

it's been raining here
and i wonder
if you have been calling to me
japan
and i have missed you too much to listen

on the other side of the world i am crying
i need to visit tonight
in my sleep i will float over these trees
orange and yellow, red fire and soft green
i will come to you
with wings and pet the deer
kiss wet noses

be happy again

stroke it

ok. so this weekend i have been with my family- and some funny shit took place. first of all, i was a bridesmaid in my cousin heather's wedding. this girl means the world to me. grew up with me in the country and became one of my best band aid buddies in my first years at uk. we have done so many halarious things together- gone to nashville to hang out with badly drawn boy- followed coldplay to the cold ass city of chicago and froze our asses off waiting for them. i mean, froze off. i left a frozen chunk of ass op there on the street for a pigeon to peck at. but, regardless, we had some good times and then this bitch leaves the cool single life and decides to get MARRIED. jesus. so, i wore this TIGHT ass bridesmaid dress on saturday for like 8-10 hours or some crazy shit. really long time in a strapless light pink long dress with a ribbon train. not a bad looking dress, just very VERY revealing. and of course, with my free spirited ways, i refused to wear a bra so my big tat tats were just bouncin and jouncalin all over the country side. out of control.

but, the shocker of this wedding was that i had to read a poem- "the HANDS CEREMONY" and come to find out this is like the main part of the ceremony (or at least it was in my mind) so i got super nervous when she's walking down the aisle because she starts crying and i realize that i'm going to start crying and i've got to speak and be brilliant and not fuck up. so i'm up there and i have to think about something that's pissing me off - like the fact that i can't smoke a cigarette all day because this church in bfe is filled with my family who i can't smoke in front of.. let me just say now that i'm pissed not because i can't smoke period, but just that i can't smoke here NOW in this very stressful time- and that i can't eat either, so if you can't eat you want to smoke.

*side note: these dresses turned out to be about 2 sizes smaller than we actually thought they were going to be so the bridesmaids couldn't really eat the day of the wedding and couldn't eat much more the days before the wedding. that's fucked up.

so, we get through the wedding and i was insanely happy for her and went and danced at the elk's lodge basement for the reception. did i mention how fucking country my town is? the reception was in the smokiest bingo parlour - and my family - somehow - managed to dance our asses off on a couple of songs. i have never seen my dad fast dance before! and then, eventually my mom came out to the dance floor and shook her own very unrhythmic tail feather. it was a riot - they played salt and pepper's let's talk about sex for chirst's sake.

so, they're off and married and going to vegas and the whole time this thing is going on- the rehearsal dinner and the bullshit for the reception and mom and daughter fighting and little kids crying and everyone in a state of total stress and i decided that i would elope (which makes my dad very happy) and go on a kickass trip and never, never make myself or anyone go through this bull shite.

lxxx

struggle

i'm at work - at night. this fucking sucks bullocks. i work in the morning, but every once in awhile these bitches ask me to work at night and instead of saying fuck you, i say. ok. i could use the money. because i could use the money- all FUCKING $18 of it. jesus christ this job is not the brightest spot on the horizon. not only do i have to come here at 8:30 AM now i'm here at 8:30 pm. only 44 minutes to go and i can go home and sit on the couch- or in craig's papaw's chair. craig. that's a whole different topic. my roomate. one of the two boys. how in the world i started living with these boys still shocks me. it's good times as long as none of us fuck. that's the last thing i need after this week.

i guess i will say part of my shitty mood is because my eyes hurt from not taking them off the screen. b gave me his blogger address and it's consumed me. over the last few hours i have managed to read all of his entries over the last couple years. not only because i'm bored, but because i'm trying to decide if this person actually exists. he's got some major depression issues, but god damn he's funny. and he's got some balls too..some that are probably slowing him down in the city cause he's gotta drag them bitches around and they HEAV- E.

really though, i have become obsessed with reading your entries and figuring out what will happen next. or if you'll make it another day. you're the best, b. and i can not believe GOD DAMN PUDDIN POPS are back on the shelf. i about came in my pants and all over this office when you said that. got to get me some yummers. those things were all i ate when i was a young in. jesus- what about the gelatin pops?? don't let me down..SHOW ME GELATIN POPS!

so - tonight sucks because i'm realizing that i have had yet another failed/fucked up week with a boy and that i can't handle any kind of regular type of dating. mattie has gone back to louisville and i'm left with a huge chunk of chrystal on my pillow as a gift thinking what the hell is wrong with me? the problem is that people seem attracted to me in very obsessive ways. and i like it. i like it that someone told me they loved me after being with me for 3 days, but it's not right. it's not RIGHT lala,- focus on that. it's not right. as my friend, (past lover) put it recently, they aren't in love with you, they're in love with your pussy. which is another issue all together. i mean, sure, it's great to have world famous puss, but at the end of the day, i just want to love someone back. i'm beginning to think that i'll die alone. a crazy fucked up artist writer lady in a house full of rabbits. cats would be too sane. rabbits. all kinds of humping rabbits. and soloman, my old pet rabbit, will be there, stuffed over the mantle and they'll just fuck all day and all night and i'll masturbate like i'm about to go do in the dressing room.

lxxx