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ok. so this weekend i have been with my family- and some funny shit took place. first of all, i was a bridesmaid in my cousin heather's wedding. this girl means the world to me. grew up with me in the country and became one of my best band aid buddies in my first years at uk. we have done so many halarious things together- gone to nashville to hang out with badly drawn boy- followed coldplay to the cold ass city of chicago and froze our asses off waiting for them. i mean, froze off. i left a frozen chunk of ass op there on the street for a pigeon to peck at. but, regardless, we had some good times and then this bitch leaves the cool single life and decides to get MARRIED. jesus. so, i wore this TIGHT ass bridesmaid dress on saturday for like 8-10 hours or some crazy shit. really long time in a strapless light pink long dress with a ribbon train. not a bad looking dress, just very VERY revealing. and of course, with my free spirited ways, i refused to wear a bra so my big tat tats were just bouncin and jouncalin all over the country side. out of control.
but, the shocker of this wedding was that i had to read a poem- "the HANDS CEREMONY" and come to find out this is like the main part of the ceremony (or at least it was in my mind) so i got super nervous when she's walking down the aisle because she starts crying and i realize that i'm going to start crying and i've got to speak and be brilliant and not fuck up. so i'm up there and i have to think about something that's pissing me off - like the fact that i can't smoke a cigarette all day because this church in bfe is filled with my family who i can't smoke in front of.. let me just say now that i'm pissed not because i can't smoke period, but just that i can't smoke here NOW in this very stressful time- and that i can't eat either, so if you can't eat you want to smoke.
*side note: these dresses turned out to be about 2 sizes smaller than we actually thought they were going to be so the bridesmaids couldn't really eat the day of the wedding and couldn't eat much more the days before the wedding. that's fucked up.
so, we get through the wedding and i was insanely happy for her and went and danced at the elk's lodge basement for the reception. did i mention how fucking country my town is? the reception was in the smokiest bingo parlour - and my family - somehow - managed to dance our asses off on a couple of songs. i have never seen my dad fast dance before! and then, eventually my mom came out to the dance floor and shook her own very unrhythmic tail feather. it was a riot - they played salt and pepper's let's talk about sex for chirst's sake.
so, they're off and married and going to vegas and the whole time this thing is going on- the rehearsal dinner and the bullshit for the reception and mom and daughter fighting and little kids crying and everyone in a state of total stress and i decided that i would elope (which makes my dad very happy) and go on a kickass trip and never, never make myself or anyone go through this bull shite.
lxxx
but, the shocker of this wedding was that i had to read a poem- "the HANDS CEREMONY" and come to find out this is like the main part of the ceremony (or at least it was in my mind) so i got super nervous when she's walking down the aisle because she starts crying and i realize that i'm going to start crying and i've got to speak and be brilliant and not fuck up. so i'm up there and i have to think about something that's pissing me off - like the fact that i can't smoke a cigarette all day because this church in bfe is filled with my family who i can't smoke in front of.. let me just say now that i'm pissed not because i can't smoke period, but just that i can't smoke here NOW in this very stressful time- and that i can't eat either, so if you can't eat you want to smoke.
*side note: these dresses turned out to be about 2 sizes smaller than we actually thought they were going to be so the bridesmaids couldn't really eat the day of the wedding and couldn't eat much more the days before the wedding. that's fucked up.
so, we get through the wedding and i was insanely happy for her and went and danced at the elk's lodge basement for the reception. did i mention how fucking country my town is? the reception was in the smokiest bingo parlour - and my family - somehow - managed to dance our asses off on a couple of songs. i have never seen my dad fast dance before! and then, eventually my mom came out to the dance floor and shook her own very unrhythmic tail feather. it was a riot - they played salt and pepper's let's talk about sex for chirst's sake.
so, they're off and married and going to vegas and the whole time this thing is going on- the rehearsal dinner and the bullshit for the reception and mom and daughter fighting and little kids crying and everyone in a state of total stress and i decided that i would elope (which makes my dad very happy) and go on a kickass trip and never, never make myself or anyone go through this bull shite.
lxxx
posted by lauren argo at 9:43 AM
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