this city without you

on the subway their eyes burn into me
american
foreigner
i have never felt so special
so watched
so alone

we have been traveling for days
packing our weight in socks on our backs
exhausted from missing loves

i have listened for you here
turned my ear toward the temple
and waited to breath you in

so far away and yet my love for you
is exact
spilling from my wrist onto the canvas

i want to paint you, kiss you, take you into me in this park
this castle
on the tatami
in the streets
make you understand what it feels like here

on the subway
their eyes would burn into us
americans
foreigners
lovers

we all live on the yellow submarine

a very crisp, sunny day in lexington, kentucky. i feel extremely uplifted after my weekend with fancy in the big city. cinncinati. i watched over 60 children, between the ages of 5 and 12, audition for school house rock. how much little mermaid, cinderella stool in my corner and hairspray bullshit can one girl handle? it was very interesting indeed.

i realized so many things watching all those belt their hearts out- number 1. i really don't want to be a stage mom. #2 there is nothing good to say about spandex on big kids and #3 i can't sing. oh, dear. I can't sing. how in the world will i make if i can't sing. i mean, really really have a block of some sort about singing. i don't know what it was about him- but as the 11 year old singing yellow submarine snapped on his stuffed octopus and put on his sailor/captian hat sobbing, i realized we all do live on the yellow submarine. and what large, unforgiving musically challanged submarine it is.

here's to you fancy. for putting up with the little ones and helping them by the best they can be.

the poor girl blues

i have been on the internet looking at pictures of boys. sigh. again.

and the thing is that everyone seems so unreachable or something.

and i'm wondering why i have this fantasy of going to a big city and finding this boy that is just perfect for me. ok. so this is the scenario. i am going to work in the morning at some crappy job because that's very much me and i walk out of the coffee shop i have just gotten coffee at and i see this boy in the window of the shop beside me and he sees me and our eyes me and he thinks, who is that amazingly special person? why is she here? i can't let her walk away..and then he comes out and asks me to meet him the same place tomorrow and so i do, but i'm late and it doesn't matter- he waits. and we go to an art gallery and then we eat doughnuts from the trash because he's poor too, but it doesn't matter because we'll both be stars soon. and then a truck drives by and splashes us with dirty water and i say you've got some sugar on your chin and he says that's a rude thing to say, but right now i need to tell you that i think i'm in love with you.OH NO. it's all wrong. no love yet. NOT YET. goddamnit.

boy, that seems so possible, but the fact is that i'm too lazy to do this thing on the internet- this searching and searching and keeping things up and trying to get a relationship established with someone in oregon. or hawaii. or wherever. and no, i don't know what to do or who to add and shit to blog and all this will be lost in the void of the internet, which i secretly believe has something to do with alice in wonderland.

i brought some pie to work for mike and he left, so now i'm eating it. not like i need some pie. NOT LIKE I NEED SOME FUCKING PUMPKIN PIE.